Thursday, May 31, 2007
The Rantings of a working mother!
I really do feel like an angry black women this morning. It started last night when I learned the woman I trust with the life of my baby has decided not to return to work after she gives birth to her first child, due in Sept. I'm not angry at her because I respect her choice. Or maybe I am angry with her because I love her and so does my daughter and my fear of not being able to find comparable care is driving me crazy. Now this fear coupled with the fear of doing the right thing for Summer is enough to make any half sane woman insane. Last nights meeting brought up feelings of anguish over my own decision to return to work. I felt myself weighing my options again and angry with myself for not deciding to stay home with my own child. I returned to work part time for 6 months and felt confident that when I went back full time that I was doing the right thing. Now the right thing feels wrong and I'm just angry about it. I know myself well enough to know that tomorrow will bring the sun and I will be confident in my decision to return to the work force. However for today I'm simply angry about everything. I'm angry that my commute is too long. I feel angry over the fact that when I finally make it home I have just enough time to cook dinner, read a story to Summer and do one load of laundry before it's time to start all over again. I'm angry that child care is no longer affordable, was it ever? Lastly, I rolled into the gas station up the street from my home on fumes and got angry all over again. When my tank guzzled up $60 of my hard earned dollars I thought I would holla'! I'm angry that the travel times reported never include the 103rd exit from the Bishop Ford to Stoney Island. The day is still young and I'm sure any moment now I will choose to rest in the peace of Jesus and exchange my anger for His Joy!
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4 comments:
I don't have a baby anymore neither is my commute long, but I honestly understand anger. I have it a lot and it seems to be often. Most of the time its stems from stories of the news, violence of innocents lives taken, or the clinical depression in the community. Also there is my own mistake's that I have control over. But I know the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy our physical and spiritual bodies. So to let him know I'm not scared, or intimidated, I truly count it a joy during those times I get angry because it keeps me in constant prayer the very moment I get angry. Believe me God will provide for Summer as He has provided for you. I was the same mad mom 25 years ago, God never fails. I was young but now I am a litter older, I have not seen the righteous forsaken nor His seed begging bread. God has made provisions for her care, you just keep the faith and know it is done.
I love your blog page, beautiful Keep it up.
I love your blog! This is really great stuff. Keep it up Yolanda!!
First of all, THIS IS A WONDEFUL THING!!! Bless you for stepping out there and posting your thoughts!!
Know that you are not alone with your "anger". I, too, face the same challenges that you are right now. The only difference is mine is for my 10 year old. I never thought that once my son was able to go to elementary school in a good neighborhood things would be ok. PSYCH!!!! It got worse for me. Now my husband and I are not only faced with the cost of Preschool/Day Care for our 2 daughters, we have to pay for private school as well for our son. I say all this to say that it doesn't just stop with day/care preschool age, it goes all the way to elementary and beyond!! "But GOD", is my phrase of the year!! HE always, steps in, HE always supplies, we just have to get out of ourselves and our own agendas and allow HIM to work HIS magic!!!
So you be encouraged and know that even all the chaos and situations that have arised in this year, it's all apart of HIS plan and I find a little solice in believing that!!!
Love you girl,
T
I though your Blog was great. More than anything it made me laugh because I then realized that I was not alone. Often times I think that no one could be having any problems because that enemy is always in my backyard. So it is good to know that Im not the only one that gets angry or frustrated. I am living in a time where I can do nothing other than exercise that "YET will I Trust Him Faith" and truly, I must adapt "But God" because He is all, knows all and can do all. So when the enemy attacks- I can say "But God" will always be right there, on time, ever present, gracious, merciful, forgiving, understanding, loving......I can go on forever. Just know that God is in control of your circumstances; He knows what Summer needs and He has already provided just that. He can not lie; He's a man of His word. And more than that, Jesus is interceeding on your behalf just like He did for Peter so you absolutely know that everything is all under control. Your Blessing is on its way. I had to realize that when God dispatches a Blessing, it take a lot for it to get here. The Angels have to fight to get us what God has for us. The enemy is never going to just let it come; why that would be too much like right. It pisses the enemy off to know that all he can do is delay the Blessing he can't stop it because it was ordered by GOD!!!!! That really makes me laugh to know that God has the enemy right at the back of the collar. We are victory; there is know need for us to have to get it because we are the victory. I love you and thanks for being women enough to help the rest of the world out. Peace...
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